Wednesday, January 8, 2014

A new week, but feeling like the old me

Today starts the next week in the James memorization project. I feel fairly confident that I've got James 1:1-3 down, but James 1:4-5 already feels like it isn't sticking as well. 
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. - James 1:4-5

(By the way, that was a copy and paste.)
I've repeated it at least 3 dozen times this morning. I've wrote it out. I've hung it in my kitchen. This one is going to take some work.

And while I may have memorized James 1:1-3, applying it is an entirely different story, but one that is proving to be urgent and critical. Applying this word to life is really at the heart of why I should do this, why I should earnestly seek to have His word stored in my heart and at the front of my mind.

It could be that the past month has been a little shaky.

It could be that my morning has been full of coffee grounds on the floor, a keurig that wouldn't drip, a toddler that has found his voice, and hormones that are enough to make me plead for menopause to come early and be mature and complete, quickly.

It could be that I'm tired of feeling giving. That I'm looking for the room to be selfish. The room where I can put my wants ahead of my needs, or, my wants and needs ahead of the wants and needs of others. And while that isn't a place I truly want to be, is it so wrong to settle there every so often? To take that break. To tell someone "no". To take that nap. 

To feel like what I want matters too.

It's not about me. I do believe that in my heart.
But gosh, why can't it be about me? Just even sometimes. 

Consider it pure joy.. whenever you face trials of many kinds.
Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

I am sure that it is no coincidence that James was the book that God laid on my heart when I felt led to intently memorize and commit His word to my heart and life.

 ...that you may be mature and complete... 

Because the way in which it already is speaking so deeply to me is amazing. should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault...

Because when I come to Him like this, selfish and self-seeking, He finds me without fault. He sees through to my heart. And He loves me as I am: A mess, surrendered. A disgrace, seeking His grace. He finds me without fault.

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:11)

Obviously, I am going to sin. But I'm hiding this word in my heart, that I might not. And when I do, and I ask Him to hold me where I am, to forgive me, He does. And He finds me without fault. And it's not because of anything that I've ever done.

It's because of what He has done.

Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last. (Luke 23:46) 

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split  and the tombs broke open... (Matthew 27:51-52a)

 "Surely this man was the Son of God!" (Mark 15:39b) 

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ Then they remembered his words. (Luke 24:1-8)

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? (1Cor.15:55)

But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1Cor. 15:57)

But Thank God.
He finds me without fault.

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