6:50 a.m. - Ignore the alarm... just a few more minutes of sleep and I'll be good.
7:05 a.m. - Somehow I realize in my foggy sleep state that I've not hit snooze. I've turned off the alarm, which is motivation enough to move me out of bed.
7:10 a.m. - Coffee is pouring into my cup (praise the Lord for the makers of Keurig) and the furnace has kicked on and is kicking the cold chill of night out of the air. With my cup in hand, I settle down to write and read and pray... sleepily I pen out the words "Fill me completely. If I must be emptied to allow more room for You and less room for me, than empty me. I don't want to be irritable, critical, unhappy" ...like yesterday. " - help me to be good, like You."
He knows what I need to pray before the day even gets started.
Of course, yesterday was no picnic. It wasn't awful. Just busy. Too busy. Too little sleep. Both of those tend to lead to a very cranky me. I don't want to be irritable, critical, or unhappy.
I want to be good. Help me to be good, like You.
Some days are just hard. Some days I'm a little more... emotional, we'll say, than other days. Chalk it up to being a woman if you'd like.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just easier to let it all out in those times.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little less honest with myself the other weeks of the month.
Sometimes I feel like I make things more complicated than necessary. If I could have held that one word back on my tongue, would the rest of the day played out differently? Or if I would have rolled out of bed at 6:50, instead of 7:05?
Sometimes it seems like the kids are growing way too fast. Have I done well by them? Have I spent enough time with them? Have I done my best to show them the truth of God's goodness and His glory and His truth?
Sometimes I look at the man I married and I remember when I was just a girl, saying I do, and he was nearly 20. Different hopes, different dreams. And then, GOD. If He hadn't gotten our attention... if we hadn't clung to His heart... would we have made it this far? Sometimes we seem like two ships just passing in the night... are we lovers or are we simply partners on these busy days? Raising children, running a household, going through the daily motions... the mundane.
Sometimes I know there is more to life than this. There is more than the mundane.
And so today I'm running on less sleep than yesterday (yikes!) But today I have a little more armor on than I had the day before. Remembering the day before, before my mind was even fully awake, my heart called out to Him knowing I would need more to make it through.
Because some days are just hard.
God, let this armor be strong - strong enough to struggle against this dark world. May You be the firm ground on which I stand, and may I stand honestly, righteously. Armed with faith and salvation and Your Word.